Ladies, Feeling Low on Confidence?

We all face challenges and wonder if we can succeed at something new. As long as we believe that we cannot do something, we are right. No matter how hard we try, the belief wins every time.

Because of this negative belief, a lack of confidence quickly moves in. Why are there so many successful, intelligent women who struggle with confidence in different areas of their life? Has our world created a false, unrealistic image of what we are supposed to look like and act like?

A woman with low confidence is plagued with self-doubt, can be double-minded, and indecisive. Low confidence can undermine what a woman does, feels and decides and worse of all it prevents her from reaching her true potential.

Some tips to help build confidence;

• Stop the negative self talk, it can become a habit which causes low self esteem and unhappiness and is very rarely true. Change those “I’m not good enough” thoughts to “I am just as able as anyone else, probably better”.

• Saying NO and only no, you don’t always need to explain yourself.

• Confident people make it a habit to think and act positively. The flow on effects of being, doing and feeling confident creates harmony, health and fun in your life; allow us to accomplish much more out of life.

• Act the way you want to be and the way you want to be seen. Take note of your posture, your dress, how you treat others and yourself. Smile and look confident, before long you will be feeling more confident. Sometimes you just need to believe it to achieve it.

• Fake it till you make it

• Give yourself permission to be different and unique. Give yourself permission that it’s OK to be wrong and make mistakes – it’s how we learn and transition through life.

• Write a positive affirmation and say it daily to yourself such as:. I know that I can master anything or I am capable and strong or I trust in myself
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Coaching:

This week pay attention to how you feel about yourself. Whatever you believe is showing up in your life. If you want to change your life, change your beliefs about what you can and cannot do.

Quote:

“The positive thinker sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible.” – Author Unknown

Transition for Professional Women

For many Professional Women the obvious transitions we experience are our within our career, our workplace and the part we play in them. Within the work environment the transitions of Profession Women include that of re-entering the work force, perhaps after having raised a family and taking some time away from paid work, changing career paths, promotions, further study, surviving in a male dominated working environment and finally retirement.

These transitions alone can cause much overwhelm and exhaustion which can lead to poor health, stress and low energy levels.Women in the working environment need to juggle many hats to stay on top of life. They can find themselves being pulled in many directions by children, partners, work colleagues, parents, siblings and even committees and other interests they may have.

So many transitions both inside and outside the work environment can greatly impact on our health, our confidence and our time in a negative way if allowed to go unchecked. Dealing with changing relationships, needing to relocate, maintaining our financial affairs, coping with body issues, coping with growing children and aging parents all leaves very little time to deal with your self! Change is not something that happens now and again, it is a way of life. Just as we think things are getting back to normal, we come face to face with the next change; stability seems to be a thing of the past.

As individual and unique as each of my clients are, many women who come to me for coaching have similar concerns and goals. A great tool for overworked professional women is the ability to use and maintain a diary and to-do list - do it daily and do it well. Understanding the importance of scheduling in me-time and being able to set and stick to time limits both in and outside working hours can greatly lessen stress levels.

You cannot be everything to everyone if you are running on empty so be aware of maintaining good eating and exercise habits as well as scheduling in time for fun, pampering, creativity and play each week.

Coaching Questions;

How does your work contribute to your life goals?

Are you in a career that you always dreamed of?

What would you like more time to do?

Quote:

Yes, there are many things that need to get done, but in this moment I have to do nothing.

—Oprah Winfrey

Changes can be challenging

We can deeply desire a change, but when we sit back and look at it we can feel overwhelmed and disillusioned. We are not alone, this happens to everyone at some time or another. We see achievements others have made in their career, fitness, finance or other areas of their life and feel in awe. What we don’t see is how the goal took shape and what needed to occur during the journey. We don’t see the time spent, the obstacles overtaken, the heartbreak and disillusionment along the way, the number of times the goal may have been given up on or re-designed, plenty of these hiccups can occur along the way. It is most uncommon for a goal to fall into place without any angst at all and it is a good thing too as it is the journeys that can make the finished outcome have stronger results and be more rewarding.

How do you climb a mountain, eat an elephant or build a wall? By taking one step, one bite or one brick at a time! You can either do it on your own, or with a little help. The first step is to decide on what you want, what you want to change or what you’d like to achieve. Now break it down into small achievable steps and decide when you want to finish by and begin with baby steps, one step at a time.

Staying motivated can be a tricky obstacle in the process, so if your not working with a coach, tell someone else what you are doing so they can check in on you to see how you are progressing. It is important to be kind to yourself and reward yourself along the way, as you make progress and achieve the small steps – it doesn’t matter how small they may be as they are all important steps in the big picture. Be honest with yourself and don’t worry if you need to reassess your goal or change your finish time. The important thing is that you are making progress and change is happening.

Remember with many challenges, we need persistence, consistence and patience.

Quote:

"In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins - not through strength, but through persistence." Anonymous

Coaching tip:

What is a small action step you can take this week, towards achieving your goal? If your goal is to loose weight, list 3 things you can change in your week such as walk 30 minutes each day, cut out sweets from your diet, drink more water, write a food journal, and do at least one thing this week to get started.

Female Midlife Crisis

Midlife Crisis is usually associated with men, but did you know that women are just as likely to experience a midlife crisis? Did you also know that men and women who lead a purpose filled and fulfilling life, and are able to meet their own needs as well as their partners are less likely to experience a midlife crisis?

If a man works long hours, spends most of his free time with his family and doesn’t pursue his own interests he is a sitting duck and is in danger of going through the MLC?

Men get to a certain age and feel that life is passing them by. They can become fearful of aging, of becoming ill and less attractive to the opposite sex. They also are feeling that goals they have set just may never happen and death is not so far off anymore!

If a woman spends her days taking care of the kids, the house, the cooking and cleaning – putting everyone else’s needs before her own, and has no outside interest she also is in danger of the MLC. Women though, on the other hand find themselves at a certain age and realise they finally have the opportunity to do the things they have been putting off whilst taking care of the family. They see the kids have grown and they now have more time and more financial security to do the things they’ve been putting on hold. Experiencing the change of life can also cause her to question how she has lived her life and help her decide whether she should make the changes she’s always wanted.

A MLC goes through the same stages as all transitions; Shock, Denial, Depression, Anger and finally Acceptance. Some people transition through the stages smoothly; others will go back and forth, stuck in the middle three stages, until they finally get to acceptance.

Any crisis is an opportunity to grow and find positive outcomes. Take the MLC as the perfect time to find who you really are and unleash those hidden passions. Write the book, climb the mountain, learn a language, live in Italy for 6 months – the world is your oyster, so live your life.

Female midlife crisis? I prefer to think of it as “female midlife empowerment” and dive straight on in, show the younger generation just how it’s done.

Coaching Questions:

• What are 2 things that are on your “would love to do one day” list?
• What’s stopping you from getting started?
• If not now, when?

Extra Reading:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1059032,00.html

Self Care

We can become very much like a computer with too many windows open, eventually something has to crash. So as you would log off and shut down your computer to allow it to reboot, you need to also do the same for yourself.

Much of what we have been taught has been centered on how to take care of others. Many of us have never been taught that in order to take care of others, we must pay as good attention to our own self-care. This is not about brushing your teeth, washing the clothes, keeping a tidy house. This includes taking time out, playfulness and fun, being creative, exercise, good nourishing diet, making the time to do what makes you truly happy. When we are feeling happy, whole, nourished, appreciated, energized we are in a much better position to then look after others.

We often feel pulled in every direction, as a friend, sister, mother, wife, partner, lover, employee, career, cleaner, there are so many hats we wear as women. One of the hardest things for us to say is “NO”, which is odd because we could say it easily when we were 2 years old but like many things, we are taught not to. So instead of trying to say NO more to others, when appropriate, try to say YES more to you.

Saying no does not make us a bad person, if anything it can be empowering and energizing. It can make us stop being the victim and feeling that we are only here to make everyone’s life run smoothly, forgetting the importance of our own needs.

If you are the type of person who finds it hard saying no, take the challenge and try it out. You may be able to delegate the job to someone else or offer guidance to the one asking. Let others respect your time and they can learn not to take you for granted. This does not mean that you need to say NO to everything, just choose what you want to do, without causing any resentment. Make yourself unavailable to others for a certain amount of time each week to spend time just for you. Take notice of how that makes you feel. Spreading your self too thinly does no one any good. Stop and smell the roses – you just may find a treasure you were not expecting.

Coaching question:

How well do you take care of yourself?

Do you feel guilty when you aren’t “doing” anything?

When was the last time you did something just because?

This month, find some ways to find a balance between taking care of you and a loved one so everyone's needs are met.

Too Nice or Just Too Soft?

We’ve all heard someone say and even said it ourselves “You’re just too nice.”

Think about that statement for a moment. Is that really true? Are you so nice that you allow people to walk over you and or your business?

Often being “too nice” is just taking the easy way out…..…steering clear of confrontation, not wanting to rock the boat! Is this “Too Nice” employer really doing the best thing – the nice thing for their staff, business and themselves? Or are they just deferring the inevitable disciplinary or under-performing warning that someone eventually needs to hear?

What would happen if an employer, parent, teacher, friend took the “too nice” option away and dealt with the issues as they arose? It would allow each party to confer and take appropriate action then and there. Being able to clear the air and allow for open communication. Perhaps there are underlying reasons that the employer is underperforming and a quick and regular check-in could save any upset, disciplinary action or even dismissal occurring. Could waiting until the shit hits the fan so to speak, be unfair to the receiver, especially if actions could have been taken earlier to prevent it getting to that stage.

Some benefits of not being too soft could be as rewarding as uncovering skills and hidden talents, not allowing bad habits and feelings to fester and spread, uncovering concerns and problems that can actually benefit the organization if brought into the open. When one is required to be made accountable for actions and expected to step-up, the flow on effect is personal pride and self worth, learning and using new skills, and possibly a stronger bottom line for the organization, hopeful flowing onto the employee.

If you are really nice, giving someone fair and honest feedback early and as required is the nice thing to do, not only for your employee but for your own stress levels and others around you. Can one not be strong, fair and nice?

Coaching Question:

o Have you found yourself taking the” too nice” option in the past to escape confrontation?

o What are you not doing in your life because you are being too nice?

o What are 2 things you are willing to stop putting up with this month?

Resource Reading:

Fierce Conversations by Susan Scott

Quote:

"There is no strength without challenge, adversity, resistance and often pain. Strength comes from our ability to stand up, face resistance and walk through it." Oprah

First Stage of Transition

Change is a constant, and when we realize that is it inevitable, many emotions begin to emerge. Some of these feelings, which are all very natural, can be numbness, fear, anxiety, excitement, apprehension, grief, anger, feeling trapped, relief, uncertainty.

Whether the transition you are experiencing is something you are wanting such as a marriage, new baby, relocation or new job – or one that has been thrust upon you, you may feel overwhelmed or even shocked, unable to see the future clearly. Be aware that this can be a period where you do not think clearly and is best not be make decisions with haste. Also what you are experiencing is very natural and you are not alone.

This is the first stage of transition; it can be called “Discomfort”, “Losing Focus” even “Disbelief or Denial”. It is a good idea to stick with routines that you know work, try not to over commit and take time out for yourself when you need to. It is not the time to add other changes to your life such as weight loss or volunteering for charity work. Take time for yourself and include the things you love to do and find ways to nurture yourself, such as yoga, reading, having fresh flowers around you, listening to music, drinking favorite teas, hitting a golf ball, being with friends, being in nature.

Every transition begins with an ending, and as with all endings you need time to let go of the past.

Coaching questions;

What scares you most about this change?

What does the next level look like?