First things first .......

If I had my child to raise all over again

If I had my child to raise all over again
I’d build self-esteem first and the house later
I’d finger paint more and point the finger less
I would do less correcting and more connecting
I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes

I would care to know less and know to care more

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites
I’d stop playing serious and seriously play
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars

I’d do more hugging and less tugging
I’d see the oak in the acorn more often
I would be firm less often and affirm much more
I’d model less about the love of power and more about the power of love

Dianne Loomans

This is a lovely reminder that I have had on my fridge for the last 15 or more years. It is there to remind me that life is so short and children are young for an even shorter time. It reminds me that making the beds, sweeping the floor, doing the dishes are not the most important tasks in the day and of the importance to stop and take time for ones around me.

This struck home to me more then I realized when I was at a friends home for dinner and someone accidently spilled a drink, possibly staining a lovely lace cloth. I was reminded by this lovely woman who had suffered the loss of her only son, a stained cloth does not even register on the “care counter”.

I know that I sometimes forget that my saying is on the fridge and am always gently humbled when I uncover it again from under all the school notices and shopping lists, and remember what is truly important. Life is not about how long your life is, it’s about what you do with it.

Reach Out

With Christmas just around the corner, I find myself in “mega planning” mode. Am I going away, do I drive or fly, what food do I need to arrange, what cards I need to write, what presents must I buy, who is my KK this year ~ what will they like, my diary of events to attend. The stores are ready to take my hard earned money and are happy to guilt me into buying anything, mostly costly, things that I don’t think any of us really, really need!

When I think about it, it doesn’t matter how much money I spend to show my love and this year I refuse to get swept up with the retail hurricane. (Perhaps except for a new pair of sparkly shoes.) When I stop and think of what is truly important, my answer is people, not things. I know something that I can do, and that is, I can take time to call or visit a friend, who I have been putting off seeing and take more time for my elderly parents and church community.

I want to give everyone reading my blog, to take the challenge and do at least one charitable deed this year. Who around you may be lonely? A neighbor, a relative, a stranger on a train, a work colleague? Stop and look around yourself with different glasses on and really see what others could be experiencing. What is happening at the local church or community program that you can help out with?

See how these small acts of kindness make you feel. Will you feel it in your head or in your heart; that you have done a good thing? To me, this is more the true meaning of Christmas than gift buying and parties, and new shoes! Give something so valuable, something that can make you feel whole and satisfied – give your self.

Can you say “No”.

Why is it, that it is so hard for some people to say “NO”. Is it because they feel that they are the saviors of everyone around them? It is their duty or life’s mission to always be there for everyone else? Or is it because they are workaholics or they feel the need to prove to everyone that they are capable of and “up to the challenge” of everything thrown their way? Perhaps they don’t realize they are doing it and are just so used to being there for everyone else that they have not even stopped to think that it is OK to say NO.Saying no does not make you a bad person, if anything it can be empowering and energizing. It can make us stop being the victim and feeling that we are only here to make everyone’s life run smoothly, forgetting the importance of our own needs.

If you are the type of person who finds it hard saying no, take the challenge and try it out. You may be able to delegate the job to someone else or offer guidance to the one asking. Let others respect your time and they can learn not to take you for granted. This does not mean that you need to say NO to everything, just choose what you want to do with out causing any resentment. Make yourself unavailable to others for a certain amount of time each week to spend time just for you. Take notice of how that makes you feel. Spreading your self too thinly does no one any good. It's easy , just say ~ no, but thanks for asking.