Female Midlife Crisis

Midlife Crisis is usually associated with men, but did you know that women are just as likely to experience a midlife crisis? Did you also know that men and women who lead a purpose filled and fulfilling life, and are able to meet their own needs as well as their partners are less likely to experience a midlife crisis?

If a man works long hours, spends most of his free time with his family and doesn’t pursue his own interests he is a sitting duck and is in danger of going through the MLC?

Men get to a certain age and feel that life is passing them by. They can become fearful of aging, of becoming ill and less attractive to the opposite sex. They also are feeling that goals they have set just may never happen and death is not so far off anymore!

If a woman spends her days taking care of the kids, the house, the cooking and cleaning – putting everyone else’s needs before her own, and has no outside interest she also is in danger of the MLC. Women though, on the other hand find themselves at a certain age and realise they finally have the opportunity to do the things they have been putting off whilst taking care of the family. They see the kids have grown and they now have more time and more financial security to do the things they’ve been putting on hold. Experiencing the change of life can also cause her to question how she has lived her life and help her decide whether she should make the changes she’s always wanted.

A MLC goes through the same stages as all transitions; Shock, Denial, Depression, Anger and finally Acceptance. Some people transition through the stages smoothly; others will go back and forth, stuck in the middle three stages, until they finally get to acceptance.

Any crisis is an opportunity to grow and find positive outcomes. Take the MLC as the perfect time to find who you really are and unleash those hidden passions. Write the book, climb the mountain, learn a language, live in Italy for 6 months – the world is your oyster, so live your life.

Female midlife crisis? I prefer to think of it as “female midlife empowerment” and dive straight on in, show the younger generation just how it’s done.

Coaching Questions:

• What are 2 things that are on your “would love to do one day” list?
• What’s stopping you from getting started?
• If not now, when?

Extra Reading:

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1059032,00.html

Self Care

We can become very much like a computer with too many windows open, eventually something has to crash. So as you would log off and shut down your computer to allow it to reboot, you need to also do the same for yourself.

Much of what we have been taught has been centered on how to take care of others. Many of us have never been taught that in order to take care of others, we must pay as good attention to our own self-care. This is not about brushing your teeth, washing the clothes, keeping a tidy house. This includes taking time out, playfulness and fun, being creative, exercise, good nourishing diet, making the time to do what makes you truly happy. When we are feeling happy, whole, nourished, appreciated, energized we are in a much better position to then look after others.

We often feel pulled in every direction, as a friend, sister, mother, wife, partner, lover, employee, career, cleaner, there are so many hats we wear as women. One of the hardest things for us to say is “NO”, which is odd because we could say it easily when we were 2 years old but like many things, we are taught not to. So instead of trying to say NO more to others, when appropriate, try to say YES more to you.

Saying no does not make us a bad person, if anything it can be empowering and energizing. It can make us stop being the victim and feeling that we are only here to make everyone’s life run smoothly, forgetting the importance of our own needs.

If you are the type of person who finds it hard saying no, take the challenge and try it out. You may be able to delegate the job to someone else or offer guidance to the one asking. Let others respect your time and they can learn not to take you for granted. This does not mean that you need to say NO to everything, just choose what you want to do, without causing any resentment. Make yourself unavailable to others for a certain amount of time each week to spend time just for you. Take notice of how that makes you feel. Spreading your self too thinly does no one any good. Stop and smell the roses – you just may find a treasure you were not expecting.

Coaching question:

How well do you take care of yourself?

Do you feel guilty when you aren’t “doing” anything?

When was the last time you did something just because?

This month, find some ways to find a balance between taking care of you and a loved one so everyone's needs are met.